his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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