i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
