he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Less talking, more tequila
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
