a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
