we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
