it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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