Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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