but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
