I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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