I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
