I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
