i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
