i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
