It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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