at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Text me some of your sweat
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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