Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
