I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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