he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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