Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
