11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My liver just broke up with me...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
