I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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