If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
