There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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