She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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