Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
