I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
