I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
two words: eviction party
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
