Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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