Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
