U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
