He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
