She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
