I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
