never play flip cup with pint glasses
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
