Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
