I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.