I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.