I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.