My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.