I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge