So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.