I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder