Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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