I'm jealous of your bromance
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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