we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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