in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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