Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
