Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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