so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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