You really coming over, don't trick.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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