things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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