I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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