i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
