i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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