And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
