he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
