My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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