It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
