All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
