Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I deserve this hangover.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
