just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
