Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
