After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
