Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
