If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
