btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
