If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
