By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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