If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
