Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
