I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
