I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
