i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
